You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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