He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
