She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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