She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
