The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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