Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's shark week go big or go home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
