gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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