I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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