I cockslap morals
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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