well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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