I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
