You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
