y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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