Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
