from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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