are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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