I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
