so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
