So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He better not be in your backpack
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
