we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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