My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
