Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
