will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
