Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
