Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
