apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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