omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
