I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
