He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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