She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
