Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
