I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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