Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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