Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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