I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
