She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
