There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
