Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
