At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
