He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
