Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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