you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
