We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
