I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
