Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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