I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.