Jerry, you need to find god
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
