jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
organizing the empties. That sober.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Randomize
