She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
