Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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