i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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