you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
