i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize