Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
