Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
