i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
