i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
