apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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