i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
