Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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