I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
