you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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