I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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