Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
