I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
