So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
