Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
birth control should be required to get into college
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
