it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
