No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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