There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
