So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize