Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
