I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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