don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
