Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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