Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
