dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
